Jonathan was a remarkable young boy. It is difficult to write something for a baby that was so tiny, and spent such a precious little time with us here. While Jonathan did spend so little time here on this earth, he made a lasting impression, one that will last a lifetime.
From the time Jonathan made his first appearance, he filled our hearts with smiles and a richness that is indescribable. Born eight weeks early, Jonathan was clearly a fighter from the very beginning. While doctors were not sure if he would make it through the night, Jonathan clearly had other plans for us. I remember feeling the first contractions very early on, and panicking that we needed to get to the hospital right away. Jonathan was always the kind of young man to make quite an entrance.
Jonathan’s father rushed us to the hospital, where I delivered via emergency C-section. I remember praying, “Father, no matter what happens, I trust in you, but please let me at the very least, hold my baby. Give me that Father.” Our Lord is so faithful, and loving to us. He answered my prayer, and more, before returning Jonathan to his peace and loving care.
I remember looking in to Jonathan’s eyes for the very first time. His sweet eyes were pools of love, and the grace of heaven. In them I could see eternity. I remember the first time I was able to hold Jonathan, after he spent weeks in the hospital. His tiny body weighed just 4 pounds at the time. I could not believe that a baby so small could be so full of incredible vigor and life.
Jonathan was small, but he was full of energy. He let out a vigorous little cry, and I knew at that point in time I was hooked on him. I was able to begin feeding him after that, with the milk that I had been waiting so long to give to him from my body.
I spent two months in the hospital with Jonathan. During that time there wasn’t a moment when my life was not enriched. The nurses and doctors at the hospital gave Jonathan their everything. Jonathan was born with a heart defect. While we did everything possible to help save Jonathan, in the end his tiny little body found peace in returning to God. The short time I spent with Jonathan filled me with an incredible sense of joy and love. I am so grateful for the time I had with Jonathan. I was able to spend countless nights holding him, and peering deep into the little soul that came directly from the heart of God. I don’t know what I would have done without this time.
They say that children, particularly when they are born, are closest to God. I truly believe this. Never in my life have I felt so close to God, as those nights that I spend holding and rocking my son. I remember some nights sitting there, and suddenly feeling as though I were personally whisked away into the heavens.
While my heart is deeply grieved that I could not spend more time with my boy, I know that every moment spent with a child, no matter how long or brief, is a gift, and a true miracle. Jonathan, thank you so much for the time you have given us. We will always remember you; you hold a truly special place in my heart. You have touched not only my life, but the lives of so many people, including the doctors, nurses and staff that helped care for you into the wee hours of the night. We love you. May you be blessed in your journey.