When someone dies it’s hard to know just what to say to the loved ones who are left behind.
Sometimes there’s an opportunity to say something at the funeral or memorial service, but both those events can be fairly overwhelming.
You may find it easier to write down what it is that you want to say and send it in a card. This makes it easier to give some thought to the actual words and to express your feelings in the way that you wish.
It’s hard not to write anything too trite, but sometimes simple thoughts like “We’ll all miss Sophie” are often fitting and appropriate.
I remember one writer who wrote that he felt the pain of his loss as if it went all through him, “like Brighton Rock”. So, whilst what you write is unlikely to ease the pain, it expresses your love and concern during a difficult time and helps hold on to cherished memories of a dear loved one.
Whilst it’s sometimes hard to generalise, recalling one special moment that characterises the loved one can help. For example, I wrote to the husband of a lady who’d once been kind enough to visit, take my washing away and bring it back all ironed and clean. Recalling this story brought back her face and wonderful memories of the person that she’d been.
If you really can’t think of anything to say, there’s often little cards in places such as Christian bookshop which are designed to have the right words.
Remember, nobody knows what to say and there are no right words.
Just making the effort to say that you care is enough.